The New Normal

At the beginning of this year I was a college professor. Now I am a homeschooling mother.

At the beginning of this year I wore heels and jewelry and makeup every day. Now, I live in pajama pants and nerd t-shirts.

At the beginning of this year I was in pain every day. I still am, but not as much. And I've learned a lot about managing my disease.

About two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I had been symptomatic for over a decade - it started being debilitating in the last few years. And as difficult as dealing with the pain has been, its assault on my mind has been much harder to deal with. They call it "fibro fog" and when that part shows up, my ability to think clearly and logically - such an inherent part of my personality, to think and speak precisely and elegantly - is undermined. I can't follow conversations. I hear other people, but can't process what they are saying. My vocabulary gets locked away and I can't find the words to express the thoughts that are fighting to get out. That's more frustrating to me than the pain.

But this is the new normal. There are days when I stay in my pajamas, because I literally have to choose between putting on jeans and reading stories to my child. I have reduced my outside commitments drastically because I have had to define my priorities, and my husband and my child are always going to come before anything else.

If I was in charge of the world, nothing would start before 1:00pm. It takes me three or four hours to get to the point where I feel like I have the energy to face the world. Rather, I think it would be more correct to say that it takes me three or four hours to accumulate enough energy to face the world. I wake up with an empty fuel tank, and a pretty good idea of how big my fuel tank is going to be for the day. That's a particularly frustrating point for people outside my family to grasp - my ability to deal with the outside world varies widely from day to day. I may be able to go out to the movies one day and seem fine, and the next day I'm going to stay in my pajamas and have someone bring me food. It makes planning ahead difficult. I never know when I am going to have a good day. I really want to take Cooper to Disneyland next year, but how do you plan something like that when your own health is variable? And then you feel guilt for not being able to do all the fun mom things, and that rebounds into making your symptoms worse.

I also have the fun additional quirks of having depression and being severely introverted. Depression makes the pain worse and the pain makes the depression worse, so that's fun. And then with being introverted, having to interact with people is exhausting. So, I might be able to go sit through Les Mis fine (I did and bawled like a baby) but going to a party for the same amount of time, where I'm expected to interact with people, especially people I don't know well, would end with me spending the next day in debilitating pain.

And that's the new normal for me, and for our family. We do the things we can when I can. GeekBoy picks up my slack when I can't do things, and never complains. We may not have the perfectly decorated home, and sometimes the dishes don't get washed for longer than I like to think about, but it works for us.

So I update facebook more than my blog, because posting a sentence or two, or just uploading a picture, is so much easier for me than writing out a thoughtful post. And we have grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner rather than pork loin or gnocchi. But my son reads now, and he didn't do that three months ago. And he skip counts by two for fun, and can do math in his head, and he builds elaborate marble mazes, and loves story hour at the library (my Thursday priority) and gymnastics (my Friday priority) and knows the first three Articles of Faith by memory and the first six apostles and he is kind and generous and thoughtful and sharing and that means I'm doing right by him even if he doesn't speak multiple languages or play a musical instrument. And he knows he is loved. Every minute of the day.

And my husband knows that I love him. And we laugh together, and I go to the movies with him when I can, and watch tv in bed with him when that's all I'm capable of doing, and he is the most amazing person for never letting me feel like he resents me for the additional burdens my health places on him and on our family. He is wonderful. He is my rock, and my guardian, and my best friend.

This is my new normal. It's a good normal. And I'm perfectly happy with it.

What week is this?

I think we had a good week here at our little school. Geekboy's company has been experimenting with consolidated schedules and for the last month he wasn't getting home until 6:30 or 7:00 at night. That was super difficult on both Cooper and I, and by the last week of that we were both just dragging through the days. But this week, he moved to a different schedule where he's home by 5:20 and still has time to come home and see us during lunch. This has been a much better schedule for everybody (except maybe Geekboy, who is getting up at 6:00am now) and I'm really grateful that I have a husband who is willing to get up early to make his wife's life easier.

So, what have we been up to this week?

We've been doing our standard handwriting, math and reading combination in the morning. Larry the Lobster (a handpuppet my mother sent us is required to supervise these lessons, according to Cooper.) This week we started doing children's fairy tales. Cooper's favorite has definitely been "The Gingerbread Man." 

For science we've been studying the change in the seasons, and what happens when it turns autumn. He gathered a bunch of fallen leaves and has brought them into the house for his collection. We read Four Seasons Make a Year by Anne Rockwell, and learned about the cycle of nature on a farm. He recognized the drawing of a chickadee in the book.

We went to story time at the library this week for the first time. I finally remembered it and got there on time! Cooper was very reluctant to go at the beginning, but by the end, he decided it was fun and he wants to go again next week. We have a wonderful children's library here. They are doing some remodeling, so I'm not sure what they are adding. Cooper has also discovered the big bean bag style chairs up in the teens' section on the third floor, so we have to go visit up there every time we come so he can lounge in one of the chairs for a few minutes. We checked out his first Bill Peet book, How Droofus the Dragon Lost His Head. It might be the start of a new addiction for him. I remember my little brother loved Bill Peet books. It cracks me up that Cooper checks out books by the color of the spine rather than any other thing. This week was yellow books.

We tried geocaching. We didn't find the cache, but had a great time being outside and learning about shadows and burrowing animals. I need to get a better gps system than the one I have on my phone.

We've been watching playoff baseball in the evening. Cooper is fascinated by the scorekeeping icons on the screen, and likes announcing which bases have players on them. Teaching your child isn't all about academics.

Cooper's favorite thing this week was using poker chips as toys. He sorted them. He played "which cup has the red one in it." With transparent cups. He fed them to his farm animals. He built roads for his cars with them. We had a target throwing contest. Which reminds me I need to get some of the chips out from under the bookshelf, because sometimes my aim is really bad.

He had gymnastics this morning. He loves his gymnastics class and Miss Tracy so much! He may not be the best athlete, but he is definitely enthusiastic.

We watched the (Scandinavian?) movie Max's Magical Adventure, or Frogs and Toads. Netflix has it listed both ways. It's dubbed, and is about two little kids who go on an adventure in the countryside looking for frog eggs. Cooper was mesmerized. He laughed and smiled, and was fascinated by all the different animals the kids saw. He was singing one of the songs from the movie later. It's definitely a kids movie, but much less annoying than most.

Finally, his favorite app on the iPad this week has been Where's My Water? It's a logic game in which you have to get water to the alligator's shower around a variety of obstacles. It amazes me how fast he can do some of the levels. 

Growing up

Cooper now wears a size 1 shoe.

Monastic motherhood

There is a part of me that thinks parenting is, or should be, like monasticism. There's a lot of repetition of chores, praying, hard work, service and calls to overcome the flesh. Right now the issue I am dealing with the most is learning how to parent as an introvert.

People tire me out. I need a certain amount of time alone to recharge. My son is quite independent but also needs a good amount of attention, quite regularly with physical contact. And while I love cuddling with him and playing games with him, sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the backseat of the old station wagon with both of my brothers. "Stop touching me!"

I haven't come up with a solution to this problem. It's something I'll probably always have to work on. For example, right now he has both of his legs draped over one of my forearms as I am typing this. And he's stealing my graham crackers.

It's a good thing he's so cute. :)

A good week

This last week has been good. Cooper's making noticeable progress in all of his learning. The FCRR curriculum I'm using is just wonderful, his handwriting is getting better, he's making progress in math, and we have been learning about magnets this week. Our front door kind of looks like a refrigerator with the number of magnets on it, but he had so much fun discovering which surfaces in the house were magnetic and which were not.

Now I just need to find my cell phone so I can take pictures of some of the things we have done. I haven't seen my phone in a week.

Chapter books

I've started reading a chapter book to Cooper at bedtime. I've found that his tolerance for read alouds is much higher in the evening than during the day when there are so. many. things. that needs his attention. Not only am I hearing the fabled words of "read some more!" but I'm also impressed with how much of the story he remembers. He basically retold the story to his dad last night, to catch him up to where we were.

How things have been going

A little update on how we are doing:

Math: We've been working on more than, less than lately and today he figured out how to skip count by 10's as he was playing with the calendar. So, yeah, I'm not really worried about his math progress.

Writing: We're working our way through the Getty Dubay Handwriting A book. A page a day, or sometimes we'll do something else for copywork.

Reading: He does pretty good if I give him a word that he can decode how to spell it - he loves typing on the computer. We're working on recognizing rhyming words now. We stopped using Hooked on Phonics and have moved to a program developed by the Florida Center for Reading Research. It's lots of fun games and ideas for a more kinesthetic approach to learning. And then we are testing out the weight limit of our library bag each week. 

Science: This is mostly interest led. Today we spent quite a bit of time playing with flashlights and different colored lenses to explore color mixing. Also, the major thing Cooper learned from the unit we did on the body was that the body turns food into poop.

Memory work: Address, phone number, scripture verse.

Fun extras: Cooper had his first gymnastics class last Friday. He is not the most coordinated child, but most of the other kids have had gymnastics before, so he's just behind in some of the routine. I think we're going to start going to story hour at the library every Thursday. We bake bread every Monday. Cooper finds the bread machine endlessly fascinating, and today's loaf was the best so far. I tried mixing a couple of recipes I've liked in the past and came up with a nice, light but hearty, recipe with whole grain flour.

Oh, and we got these awesome hand puppets

identified this Box Elder Beetle nymph

and built this giant rocket.