1. I asked to be released from doing a visiting teaching route and to be put in charge of writing letters to people who have asked for that to be their only contact. Being proactive in taking charge of my health and recognizing my limits is a big step for me.
2. We found one of the vitamins that I am prescribed in glass bottles rather than plastic. Also, the bottles are full rather than mostly empty. Yay for reduced waste.
3. Donut holes for breakfast. Yum.
4. GeekBoy is currently massaging my feet. This is not an unusual occurrence.
5. Cooper is in a phase where he only wants to watch the fourth episode of his favorite TV shows.
6. I have been falling in love with the poetry of Mary Oliver. I keep telling myself to slow down and portion out how many I read at one sitting, but it is so difficult.
7. My political ecology class is traumatizing my students. I've had one give up meat already.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Moments worth remembering...or not
Stepped barefoot in barf last night. That's a true badge of motherhood.
Was teaching Rousseau's The Social Contract today. I'm working the students through the part where Rousseau argues for the need to overthrow existing corrupt, master-slaved dominated, enslaving society to move towards liberated man in a free society. I was exclaiming rather loudly, "We have to overthrow the government," when I realized my classroom door was open, so I asked a student to shut it. A few seconds later a student from out in the hall re-opened the door. He apologized and said, "We're rather enjoying the lecture and want to see where you're going with it."
We also now have a class pencil named Steve. Don't ask.
I ordered 35 perennials to put in the flower bed that we planted 400+ bulbs in last fall. I have really high hopes that this is going to end up being beautiful. Also, it was snowing while I was ordering plants. Flower catalogs are gardener porn.
Cooper lied to me for the first time. He told me GeekBoy had told him he could do something when I had heard GeekBoy tell him the exact opposite.
Was teaching Rousseau's The Social Contract today. I'm working the students through the part where Rousseau argues for the need to overthrow existing corrupt, master-slaved dominated, enslaving society to move towards liberated man in a free society. I was exclaiming rather loudly, "We have to overthrow the government," when I realized my classroom door was open, so I asked a student to shut it. A few seconds later a student from out in the hall re-opened the door. He apologized and said, "We're rather enjoying the lecture and want to see where you're going with it."
We also now have a class pencil named Steve. Don't ask.
I ordered 35 perennials to put in the flower bed that we planted 400+ bulbs in last fall. I have really high hopes that this is going to end up being beautiful. Also, it was snowing while I was ordering plants. Flower catalogs are gardener porn.
Cooper lied to me for the first time. He told me GeekBoy had told him he could do something when I had heard GeekBoy tell him the exact opposite.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
To every season
I had this idea when I was younger that a time would happen when I would know who I was. That there would come a day when all the pieces of my personality would some how mesh into a solid pattern, like carbon atoms achieving the perfect matrix of a diamond.
My whole life, there have been all these different parts of me that I could never successfully coordinate. There's the scholar part of my personality, and the geek part; there's the nine year old girl who is obsessed with owls and hedgehogs and gnomes; the tailored classic country clubber and the crunchy earth mother; the planner, the list-maker, the organizer; the dreamer with a stack of books and a garden swing; the maker who tries different crafts and hobbies every three months or so; the mother; the lover; the naturalist seeking simplicity lives cheek by jowl with the girl who lusts after expensive leather purses and sparkling stones.
For so long this felt like I was unfinished. Trying to reconcile the contradictory parts of my personality into one finished piece of art - trying to cross "grow up' off of my life's to-do list - has never felt within my grasp.
Last night, I was looking at a picture that reminded me of the images you see through a kaleidoscope. One of the great things about kaleidoscopes is that the image is never fixed. You can always give it another turn and see what happens. Sure, diamonds are pretty and sparkly and reflect the light, but they are always the same. Kaleidoscopes are much more fun. You are always creating new beautiful arrangements. Diamonds all have flaws, fixed within them, that are permanent. Kaleidoscopes don't have that problem. All the inclusions are a part of the beauty. What takes center stage in one scene will fade into the background with another twist of the viewer, and then merge together with another image to form something greater than the sum of the parts in a third image.
I think life is more like a kaleidoscope than a diamond.There isn't one right configuration for all of my elements. They mix together and create different patterns for my life at different times. For someone who gets bored easily, that's a benefit and not a drawback. My life has been pretty stable for the last few years. I've seen certain parts of my life take a dominant position, and some have faded so far into the background that I have almost forgotten them. I've turned my kaleidoscope, and I have a feeling I'll keep turning it for the next year or two trying to find a new pattern I want to look at for the next phase of my life. But I'll always remember that when I want to, I can turn it again, and a new pattern will emerge.
My whole life, there have been all these different parts of me that I could never successfully coordinate. There's the scholar part of my personality, and the geek part; there's the nine year old girl who is obsessed with owls and hedgehogs and gnomes; the tailored classic country clubber and the crunchy earth mother; the planner, the list-maker, the organizer; the dreamer with a stack of books and a garden swing; the maker who tries different crafts and hobbies every three months or so; the mother; the lover; the naturalist seeking simplicity lives cheek by jowl with the girl who lusts after expensive leather purses and sparkling stones.
For so long this felt like I was unfinished. Trying to reconcile the contradictory parts of my personality into one finished piece of art - trying to cross "grow up' off of my life's to-do list - has never felt within my grasp.
Last night, I was looking at a picture that reminded me of the images you see through a kaleidoscope. One of the great things about kaleidoscopes is that the image is never fixed. You can always give it another turn and see what happens. Sure, diamonds are pretty and sparkly and reflect the light, but they are always the same. Kaleidoscopes are much more fun. You are always creating new beautiful arrangements. Diamonds all have flaws, fixed within them, that are permanent. Kaleidoscopes don't have that problem. All the inclusions are a part of the beauty. What takes center stage in one scene will fade into the background with another twist of the viewer, and then merge together with another image to form something greater than the sum of the parts in a third image.
I think life is more like a kaleidoscope than a diamond.There isn't one right configuration for all of my elements. They mix together and create different patterns for my life at different times. For someone who gets bored easily, that's a benefit and not a drawback. My life has been pretty stable for the last few years. I've seen certain parts of my life take a dominant position, and some have faded so far into the background that I have almost forgotten them. I've turned my kaleidoscope, and I have a feeling I'll keep turning it for the next year or two trying to find a new pattern I want to look at for the next phase of my life. But I'll always remember that when I want to, I can turn it again, and a new pattern will emerge.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Weird head space
So. I think I have transitioned from the, "Yay, so many choices! The possibilities are endless!" option to, "Oh my word, there are so many choices. The possibilities are...endless."
If you haven't figured out by the title of my blog, I am a very goal oriented person. I like plans. I like knowing what the next step is. I like crossing things off of my to do list. I have been known to write things on my to do list after I did them, just so I could cross them off.
I love a feeling of accomplishment. I like other people being able to see what I accomplished. I like being able to say "Done." and look about and see what I have finished.
I have known what the next step of my life was going to be since...junior high? Graduate, college, marriage, advanced degrees, kids. All of these were planned for and accomplished. And though there were some detours and scenic routes, all of these things happened.
And now I don't know what it is I am supposed to be accomplishing next.
It's unsettling.
I have a question: Is it okay to be - and I'm going to get slammed for using this word - just a mom? I don't mean that being a mom is easy because I am under no illusions there. And I don't think being a mom is of less importance than any other thing women do. Caring for another human being has to be the pinnacle of human experience. But is it okay to just mother. And not mother while being an A-list blogger/raising heirloom tomatoes in a multinational organization to preserve seed diversity/spinning yarn from the fleece of the pygmy goats that I rescued from experimenters (fleece? fur? hair? What do goats have?)/developing a plan for international peace/sewing my own clothes/founding a multimillion dollar empire dedicated to...something?
There is sooo much pride embodied in this question: Am I allowed to just be mom for a while? I have above-average intelligence and a good work ethic. Combine that with being told "Unto whom much is given, much is required" on a fairly regular basis all my life, and I feel like I have to be extraordinary or I'm failing. I was voted "Most Likely to Conquer the World" by my senior class. The guy who was voted the same died in an accident a year after we graduated. I kind of feel like I need to conquer the world for him as well. And for his parents.
I feel like it's okay for me to quit my job because now I am going to home school Cooper and that is noble and virtuous and provides a reason for me to be at home. It isn't enough, in my own mind at least, to say I am going to be a stay at home mom, and my kid is going to go to public school, and I am going to have several hours of the day to myself with little to no responsibility to anyone other than my own soul and conception of the good.
I need to accomplish something.
I just don't know what yet.
And yes, I know parenting is an accomplishment and the most important work I can do is parenting well and it is never done blahblahblah crunchy platitudecakes. I know all that stuff. In my head. It just doesn't seem like truth to my heart.
If you haven't figured out by the title of my blog, I am a very goal oriented person. I like plans. I like knowing what the next step is. I like crossing things off of my to do list. I have been known to write things on my to do list after I did them, just so I could cross them off.
I love a feeling of accomplishment. I like other people being able to see what I accomplished. I like being able to say "Done." and look about and see what I have finished.
I have known what the next step of my life was going to be since...junior high? Graduate, college, marriage, advanced degrees, kids. All of these were planned for and accomplished. And though there were some detours and scenic routes, all of these things happened.
And now I don't know what it is I am supposed to be accomplishing next.
It's unsettling.
I have a question: Is it okay to be - and I'm going to get slammed for using this word - just a mom? I don't mean that being a mom is easy because I am under no illusions there. And I don't think being a mom is of less importance than any other thing women do. Caring for another human being has to be the pinnacle of human experience. But is it okay to just mother. And not mother while being an A-list blogger/raising heirloom tomatoes in a multinational organization to preserve seed diversity/spinning yarn from the fleece of the pygmy goats that I rescued from experimenters (fleece? fur? hair? What do goats have?)/developing a plan for international peace/sewing my own clothes/founding a multimillion dollar empire dedicated to...something?
There is sooo much pride embodied in this question: Am I allowed to just be mom for a while? I have above-average intelligence and a good work ethic. Combine that with being told "Unto whom much is given, much is required" on a fairly regular basis all my life, and I feel like I have to be extraordinary or I'm failing. I was voted "Most Likely to Conquer the World" by my senior class. The guy who was voted the same died in an accident a year after we graduated. I kind of feel like I need to conquer the world for him as well. And for his parents.
I feel like it's okay for me to quit my job because now I am going to home school Cooper and that is noble and virtuous and provides a reason for me to be at home. It isn't enough, in my own mind at least, to say I am going to be a stay at home mom, and my kid is going to go to public school, and I am going to have several hours of the day to myself with little to no responsibility to anyone other than my own soul and conception of the good.
I need to accomplish something.
I just don't know what yet.
And yes, I know parenting is an accomplishment and the most important work I can do is parenting well and it is never done blahblahblah crunchy platitudecakes. I know all that stuff. In my head. It just doesn't seem like truth to my heart.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Life plans
I resigned my job. Again. My chair refused to accept the letter the first time and told me to take more time to think about it. So yesterday, I resigned my job again. The job I worked for a decade to get. The job that pays significant amounts of money. The job that I love (most of the parts most of the time.) And I feel so relieved. It's like I suddenly have all these opportunities that I can take advantage of, and all these choices that I can make.
I keep flashing back to that scene in You've Got Mail, where Meg Ryan's character is talking about writing a children's book, and that this is something she never would have done if she kept the store. I know a lot of people got irritated with this movie because she falls in love with the guy who put her out of business, but it seems to me that sometimes, our lives are planned so far ahead that we sometimes outgrow the plan and don't change it. Life changes us as we go along, and being willing to embrace the change and give up the plan of the person you used to be and create a new plan for the person you are now is an important ability. I am not willing to buy in to the sunk cost fallacy.
I am not the person I was a decade ago. But every experience I have had in the last decade has lead me to be the person I am now. And frankly, I like the person I am now. I can't regret a single decision I've made because they all taught me something and shaped who I am. And who I am is awesome. I've done what I needed to do at the University. I have learned important things about me. I'm coming to realize that I get bored easily, and once I have mastered something, I feel a need to move on to something new. I'm not content with just being good at something. I have new things to learn and do and create.
The resignation was prompted by my fibromyalgia getting so bad that I literally couldn't do my job and maintain any level of meaningful health, but I am thinking that this is actually a blessing in disguise. So I am going to go from working full-time or more with a substantial income to being a stay at home mother and homeschooling Cooper and dealing with a budget.
And I couldn't be more excited about any of it.
I keep flashing back to that scene in You've Got Mail, where Meg Ryan's character is talking about writing a children's book, and that this is something she never would have done if she kept the store. I know a lot of people got irritated with this movie because she falls in love with the guy who put her out of business, but it seems to me that sometimes, our lives are planned so far ahead that we sometimes outgrow the plan and don't change it. Life changes us as we go along, and being willing to embrace the change and give up the plan of the person you used to be and create a new plan for the person you are now is an important ability. I am not willing to buy in to the sunk cost fallacy.
I am not the person I was a decade ago. But every experience I have had in the last decade has lead me to be the person I am now. And frankly, I like the person I am now. I can't regret a single decision I've made because they all taught me something and shaped who I am. And who I am is awesome. I've done what I needed to do at the University. I have learned important things about me. I'm coming to realize that I get bored easily, and once I have mastered something, I feel a need to move on to something new. I'm not content with just being good at something. I have new things to learn and do and create.
The resignation was prompted by my fibromyalgia getting so bad that I literally couldn't do my job and maintain any level of meaningful health, but I am thinking that this is actually a blessing in disguise. So I am going to go from working full-time or more with a substantial income to being a stay at home mother and homeschooling Cooper and dealing with a budget.
And I couldn't be more excited about any of it.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Cooper, I Choose You
I would like to announce that I have knocked two things off of my list. I have a new mattress on the way. Also, I did something completely unexpected, though it was not spontaneous.
I quit my job.
I love my job. No, seriously. I love it. I've worked hard to get where I am. I love my coworkers. I love my students. I love being around these people and the conversations and the energy and feeling like I am making a difference in the world.
The part I don't like is spending every day on painkillers because my job uses up every ounce of energy I have and then draws on my reserves. Weekends for the last semester have been spent sleeping to regain energy. Every night after work involved me slumping into a chair, taking pain medication with my dinner, and having no ability to interact meaningfully with my husband or son. I was on painkillers almost every day for the last six weeks of the semester.
Over Christmas break, I actually got to sleep. I got to rest. I got to relax. I stopped being on painkillers. I laughed all the way down to my soul. I played with my son. I had fantastic sex with my husband. I remembered the person I used to be before I was on pain meds every day.
On one of the last days of break, as GeekBoy and I had a lovely lunch together, he asked me, "Do you really want to go back?" And I started to cry. Because as much as I love the people and the students and teaching, I dreaded going back to the zombie I am during the semester.
Last semester, Cooper got used to being with me for five minutes a day. I couldn't play with him, because if he touched me too hard, it would hurt so bad I couldn't keep from crying out in pain. And then he prayed to ask Heavenly Father to make me better so I could play with him.
When your child prays for something, how can you not do everything in your power to answer his prayers?
And so today, I quit. Academic hiring takes forever, and I don't feel like I can leave the university or the department in the lurch, so my plan is for me to finish out this semester as scheduled, to drop to 75% contract next semester, and then to stop working.
This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I feel like I am letting down my department, my university, my students, especially the female ones as I am the only female permanent faculty member in the department, womankind in general, and myself. If only I was stronger/better/faster/more righteous/more something, I would have been able to do everything.
But I can't.
I can't be the mother I want to be or the wife I want to be and keep all the balls in the air. I taught one class today. I advised one student today. I planned one activity today. And I'm tired. And I hurt.
I needed to make a decision, and through a lot of prayer and crying and priesthood blessings, Geekboy and I have made the decision that I am going to be a stay-at-home mom for the next little while. Cooper is going to get a mommy he can play with. And everything is going to be okay.
I quit my job.
I love my job. No, seriously. I love it. I've worked hard to get where I am. I love my coworkers. I love my students. I love being around these people and the conversations and the energy and feeling like I am making a difference in the world.
The part I don't like is spending every day on painkillers because my job uses up every ounce of energy I have and then draws on my reserves. Weekends for the last semester have been spent sleeping to regain energy. Every night after work involved me slumping into a chair, taking pain medication with my dinner, and having no ability to interact meaningfully with my husband or son. I was on painkillers almost every day for the last six weeks of the semester.
Over Christmas break, I actually got to sleep. I got to rest. I got to relax. I stopped being on painkillers. I laughed all the way down to my soul. I played with my son. I had fantastic sex with my husband. I remembered the person I used to be before I was on pain meds every day.
On one of the last days of break, as GeekBoy and I had a lovely lunch together, he asked me, "Do you really want to go back?" And I started to cry. Because as much as I love the people and the students and teaching, I dreaded going back to the zombie I am during the semester.
Last semester, Cooper got used to being with me for five minutes a day. I couldn't play with him, because if he touched me too hard, it would hurt so bad I couldn't keep from crying out in pain. And then he prayed to ask Heavenly Father to make me better so I could play with him.
When your child prays for something, how can you not do everything in your power to answer his prayers?
And so today, I quit. Academic hiring takes forever, and I don't feel like I can leave the university or the department in the lurch, so my plan is for me to finish out this semester as scheduled, to drop to 75% contract next semester, and then to stop working.
This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I feel like I am letting down my department, my university, my students, especially the female ones as I am the only female permanent faculty member in the department, womankind in general, and myself. If only I was stronger/better/faster/more righteous/more something, I would have been able to do everything.
But I can't.
I can't be the mother I want to be or the wife I want to be and keep all the balls in the air. I taught one class today. I advised one student today. I planned one activity today. And I'm tired. And I hurt.
I needed to make a decision, and through a lot of prayer and crying and priesthood blessings, Geekboy and I have made the decision that I am going to be a stay-at-home mom for the next little while. Cooper is going to get a mommy he can play with. And everything is going to be okay.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I have a hard time relaxing
I declared this morning that today was going to be my day to relax. It helped that I slept in until a little after 10:00am. At that point, why not declare a day off.
But instead, I wrapped ALL the presents. Two hours and four rolls of wrapping paper later, that was done. I love finishing off a roll of wrapping paper.
Then I decided to start sewing gifts for people. It turns out that, though I can make a stuffed shark with no pattern, I have problems sewing rectangles together. I am not sure what my problem is. Maybe I will wait until after Christmas to craft things.
Oh well, maybe tomorrow I will relax
But instead, I wrapped ALL the presents. Two hours and four rolls of wrapping paper later, that was done. I love finishing off a roll of wrapping paper.
Then I decided to start sewing gifts for people. It turns out that, though I can make a stuffed shark with no pattern, I have problems sewing rectangles together. I am not sure what my problem is. Maybe I will wait until after Christmas to craft things.
Oh well, maybe tomorrow I will relax
Monday, December 19, 2011
End of the semester
I finished up all the semester end stuff today and a bunch of administrative stuff as well.
I went grocery shopping and got real food for my family, so we aren't surviving on leftovers.
And then I got home and realized I had left all my work I need to do over the break in my office. Grrr.
I went grocery shopping and got real food for my family, so we aren't surviving on leftovers.
And then I got home and realized I had left all my work I need to do over the break in my office. Grrr.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Rules for life
I've been thinking about the rules for living that I have learned in my years. I've learned them from lots of different sources, and at lots of different points in my life.
What rules do you follow in your life?
- Treat others the way you want to be treated.
- If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
- Take only pictures, leave only footprints.
- Inexpensive is good. Cheap is not.
- Love is always the answer.
- A place for everything, and everything in its place.
- It may be the easy way, but its not the cowboy way.
- Its not all about you.
- Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- You may not be able to control what happens to you. You can control how you respond to what happens to you, though.
What rules do you follow in your life?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Things I probably should try to do while on pain medication
1. Go on Etsy (says my thither.)
2. Try to learn how to knit lace.
3. Juggle knives.
4. Use heavy machinery.
So, ummmmm, now what do I do?
2. Try to learn how to knit lace.
3. Juggle knives.
4. Use heavy machinery.
So, ummmmm, now what do I do?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Now, with 100% less tonsils
I shall be surviving on yogurt, juice and applesauce for the next few days. I'm trying to think of other soft foods to eat that aren't going to irritate my throat.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I am so boring
What have I been up to for the last few days?
Oh, I got an email from my dean about my student evaluations. I had one student just go after me in a way that was quite upsetting. He just wanted to let me know that I'm a great teacher, and it was obvious that someone had it out for me, but to not worry, because it happens to everybody once in a while. Just one more reason why I love my dean.
- Got my diploma framed.
- Wrote on bananas with toothpicks. One said my son's name. The other said, "Eat me."
- Much crafting for presents. Pictures will show up when the gifts have been given so as to not ruin any surprises.
- Spent more than two hands worth of hours working on a syllabus. The course is being completely redesigned to take into account a new prerequisite sequence, so even though I've been teaching it for the last two years, it's like designing from scratch. New textbooks, new material, the whole shebang.
Oh, I got an email from my dean about my student evaluations. I had one student just go after me in a way that was quite upsetting. He just wanted to let me know that I'm a great teacher, and it was obvious that someone had it out for me, but to not worry, because it happens to everybody once in a while. Just one more reason why I love my dean.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Sorta Productive Saturday!
My fibro was acting up today, so I didn't do much physical stuff. GeekBoy took a bunch of stuff to the DI today, so that was good.
I redesigned a course that I haven't taught in five years today. Wow, that makes it seem like I've been teaching for a long time. I'm really excited about getting to teach it. It's on the presidency, and what an interesting time it's going to be teaching that course right now.
I also synched all the music that I have purchased on three separate computers onto my laptop, so now I have all my happy music in one place.
And, I bought these earrings a few years ago, but I never wore them because the ear wires were super long and dangly and they just bothered me. So today I swapped out the ear wires with ones that I like, so it's like having a brand new pair of earrings.
I redesigned a course that I haven't taught in five years today. Wow, that makes it seem like I've been teaching for a long time. I'm really excited about getting to teach it. It's on the presidency, and what an interesting time it's going to be teaching that course right now.
I also synched all the music that I have purchased on three separate computers onto my laptop, so now I have all my happy music in one place.
And, I bought these earrings a few years ago, but I never wore them because the ear wires were super long and dangly and they just bothered me. So today I swapped out the ear wires with ones that I like, so it's like having a brand new pair of earrings.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Photodump Friday
I spent several hours working on my syllabi for the Fall Semester this afternoon. I think I have one of the three just about whipped into shape. I wonder if there will ever come a semester where I don't redesign at least one major aspect of a syllabus.
I also downloaded all the photos off of my phone onto my laptop, and then uploaded lots of them to my flickr account.
A few favorites:
I also downloaded all the photos off of my phone onto my laptop, and then uploaded lots of them to my flickr account.
A few favorites:
Thursday, July 14, 2011
This I Believe
I believe in love.
I believe that there is a quote from Steel Magnolias that is appropriate for any situation.
I believe that any meal can be improved by the addition of one of the five magic ingredients: butter, cheese, bacon, chocolate or avocado.
I believe that most things in the world can be explained using Star Wars, Battlestar Gallactica, Harry Potter, Dune or Charlie the Unicorn references.
I believe in justice.
I believe in mercy.
I believe in high threadcount bed linens.
I believe in the color purple, the number 42, and that my life has a personal soundtrack that no one else can hear.
I believe in proofreading.
I believe that proofreading and spell checking are two different activities.
I believe in the abolition of the Oxford comma.
I believe in Stephen Fry.
I believe that any problem in the world can be solved by the proper application of office supplies.
I believe that if you can't fix something with vice grips, duct tape and a can of WD-40, you probably shouldn't be messing with it.
I believe that you should take only photographs and leave only footprints.
I believe in poetry.
I believe in homemade bread, warm out of the oven, with jam.
I believe in the power of human goodness.
I believe in hard work.
I believe in singing along with musicals.
I believe in women in general, and the women in my family in particular.
I believe in afternoon naps in the sunshine.
I believe snorgling a baby belly - human or canine - is a cheap anti-depressant.
I believe in laughter.
I believe in myself.
I believe.
I believe that there is a quote from Steel Magnolias that is appropriate for any situation.
I believe that any meal can be improved by the addition of one of the five magic ingredients: butter, cheese, bacon, chocolate or avocado.
I believe that most things in the world can be explained using Star Wars, Battlestar Gallactica, Harry Potter, Dune or Charlie the Unicorn references.
I believe in justice.
I believe in mercy.
I believe in high threadcount bed linens.
I believe in the color purple, the number 42, and that my life has a personal soundtrack that no one else can hear.
I believe in proofreading.
I believe that proofreading and spell checking are two different activities.
I believe in the abolition of the Oxford comma.
I believe in Stephen Fry.
I believe that any problem in the world can be solved by the proper application of office supplies.
I believe that if you can't fix something with vice grips, duct tape and a can of WD-40, you probably shouldn't be messing with it.
I believe that you should take only photographs and leave only footprints.
I believe in poetry.
I believe in homemade bread, warm out of the oven, with jam.
I believe in the power of human goodness.
I believe in hard work.
I believe in singing along with musicals.
I believe in women in general, and the women in my family in particular.
I believe in afternoon naps in the sunshine.
I believe snorgling a baby belly - human or canine - is a cheap anti-depressant.
I believe in laughter.
I believe in myself.
I believe.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Big week
This week:
I bought a little notebook to keep in my purse that I can jot down all the little things that will need to get done on multiple fronts over the next while to make sure all these things happen when they are supposed to.
It's back to life by list.
- I got permission to defend my dissertation. Draft three took, and I get to defend in April.
- I was informed that I am the preferred candidate for the tenure track job I applied for. The university has sent my name to the executive board for approval. If they sign off, I have the job.
- My husband got a great job offer from a company that is recruiting him. They are still negotiating the details, but it looks like he'll be leaving the company he's worked for for the last decade.
I bought a little notebook to keep in my purse that I can jot down all the little things that will need to get done on multiple fronts over the next while to make sure all these things happen when they are supposed to.
It's back to life by list.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Saturday, i.e. the eye of the storm.
Day one of the interview is done. I did not burp or fart or trip over my own feet. I discussed outcomes assessment and teaching pedagogies and department integration with ease. I suggested ways in which I am uniquely qualified to help further the institution's mission. I interviewed well.
Now, I hope I can keep it up on Monday. Two more interviews and two teaching demonstrations on that day. I bought a new outfit. I know it's silly, but looking cute and put together makes me feel more professional and competent.
My voice held out all day yesterday, due to the many prayers being offered on my behalf by family and friends. It's back to crappy today, but I'm hoping not to have to talk much today. Lots of work to do to catch up from all the interview prep time but my husband is awesome and takes care of so many other things so I can do what only I can do.
I really want this job.
Now, I hope I can keep it up on Monday. Two more interviews and two teaching demonstrations on that day. I bought a new outfit. I know it's silly, but looking cute and put together makes me feel more professional and competent.
My voice held out all day yesterday, due to the many prayers being offered on my behalf by family and friends. It's back to crappy today, but I'm hoping not to have to talk much today. Lots of work to do to catch up from all the interview prep time but my husband is awesome and takes care of so many other things so I can do what only I can do.
I really want this job.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The lesson of the banana bread
I've been feeling sorry for myself the last little bit. It has felt like our little family has just been having a hard time. GeekBoy (my affectionate blog nickname for my husband) works in the mortgage industry, and his company has gone through round after round of layoffs in the last year or two. A few weeks ago they went through another round, and he kept his job. His department is now down to two people, including him. Last week, they announced a "temporary" 20% pay decrease across the board for all employees. It's supposed to just be for December, but we'll see. We found out about this the day before Thanksgiving.
There was the whole poison control incident, and then yesterday Cooper woke up covered in vomit, and when I put him in the tub to get the barf out of his hair he pooed in the tub, and when I got him out of the tub to put him in clean jammies he peed all over the carpet. And then I went to teach and the copier jammed so I was late to class, and it just felt like one little thing after another. And then I got home and my mom called and said Grandma had fallen and broken her leg in multiple places. The bones were coming up through the skin. She was heading into surgery, but with her poor health, they were calling to prepare us just in case she didn't make it through surgery or the post-op recovery.
Combined with all these minor inconveniences and major traumas was the seeming disparity of good things happening for all those around us. New loves, new babies, heck, even a new dress. It seemed that the old phrase about poop rolling downhill was true, and I was at the bottom of the hill, covered (sometimes literally) in poop.
Then this morning I made banana bread. One of the concepts I'm writing about right now in my dissertation is radical inequality, and as I was turning those old bananas into bread, I realized that I am making bread because I have too much food. The bananas weren't inedible in the form they were in. They were just past the point that I prefer to eat them. To many people they would have been perfect. To a great many people in the world, they would have been lifesaving nutrition. And I was turning them into banana bread because I have the option about being picky about what I eat, and of buying enough food at the grocery store that the bananas can sit out long enough to go past optimal ripeness.
I then had to decide what kind of chocolate chips to put in the bread. I had thought about adding pecans, because I had extra pecans from Thanksgiving, but I wanted Cooper to be able to eat the bread, so I went for chocolate instead. I have multiple types of chocolate chips in the house because 1)I love to bake, and 2) that's what the women in my family do. I know some people put wheat in their food storage, but I have a feeling that if it ever comes to the point where people are living off of their food storage, I can trade six ounces of good chocolate for a few pounds of wheat to any woman in a 25 mile radius.
So, my warm house with plenty of food and a darling child smells of cinnamon and nutmeg as chocolate chip banana bread bakes in the oven. Cooper is starting to spend as much time toddling around the house as crawling. My husband is at his job. I'm going to go write some more on my dissertation with a new perspective on radical inequality. And then, I'm going to go eat some banana bread, and kiss my baby, and thank my Heavenly Father for all the blessing He pours out upon me daily, that I do not take the time to see.
Sometimes, the most important lessons in life are taught by a mushy banana.
There was the whole poison control incident, and then yesterday Cooper woke up covered in vomit, and when I put him in the tub to get the barf out of his hair he pooed in the tub, and when I got him out of the tub to put him in clean jammies he peed all over the carpet. And then I went to teach and the copier jammed so I was late to class, and it just felt like one little thing after another. And then I got home and my mom called and said Grandma had fallen and broken her leg in multiple places. The bones were coming up through the skin. She was heading into surgery, but with her poor health, they were calling to prepare us just in case she didn't make it through surgery or the post-op recovery.
Combined with all these minor inconveniences and major traumas was the seeming disparity of good things happening for all those around us. New loves, new babies, heck, even a new dress. It seemed that the old phrase about poop rolling downhill was true, and I was at the bottom of the hill, covered (sometimes literally) in poop.
Then this morning I made banana bread. One of the concepts I'm writing about right now in my dissertation is radical inequality, and as I was turning those old bananas into bread, I realized that I am making bread because I have too much food. The bananas weren't inedible in the form they were in. They were just past the point that I prefer to eat them. To many people they would have been perfect. To a great many people in the world, they would have been lifesaving nutrition. And I was turning them into banana bread because I have the option about being picky about what I eat, and of buying enough food at the grocery store that the bananas can sit out long enough to go past optimal ripeness.
I then had to decide what kind of chocolate chips to put in the bread. I had thought about adding pecans, because I had extra pecans from Thanksgiving, but I wanted Cooper to be able to eat the bread, so I went for chocolate instead. I have multiple types of chocolate chips in the house because 1)I love to bake, and 2) that's what the women in my family do. I know some people put wheat in their food storage, but I have a feeling that if it ever comes to the point where people are living off of their food storage, I can trade six ounces of good chocolate for a few pounds of wheat to any woman in a 25 mile radius.
So, my warm house with plenty of food and a darling child smells of cinnamon and nutmeg as chocolate chip banana bread bakes in the oven. Cooper is starting to spend as much time toddling around the house as crawling. My husband is at his job. I'm going to go write some more on my dissertation with a new perspective on radical inequality. And then, I'm going to go eat some banana bread, and kiss my baby, and thank my Heavenly Father for all the blessing He pours out upon me daily, that I do not take the time to see.
Sometimes, the most important lessons in life are taught by a mushy banana.
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