A prayer in my heart

We had to drive 50 miles to get to the airport to fly out to California. We left at 4:30 in the morning, after digging our cars out of the driveway from the foot of snow. The freeway had been fairly well plowed, so for the first half of the drive, the road was clean and mostly dry. In the 36 hours before we left, we got a foot of snow. I had prayed the night before that they would be able to get the roads plowed, and the airport plowed, and that we would be able to get to the airport safely.

I hate travelling. It always stresses me out. I always worry about all the things that could possibly go wrong. I also hate inconveniencing people, so you can just imagine what traveling with a toddler does to me. And there we were, on the freeway driving along and I was praying the whole way that everything would be okay. I asked GeekBoy, "What's the difference between always having a prayer in your heart and just being a nag?" He answered with the parable of the unjust judge. We started talking about the difference in attitude and trust between the two behaviors when we hit ice. Luckily, my husband had seen it coming so we were fine, but the road conditions started getting worse, and then it started to snow, and get very windy.

Right as the snow started, a car pulled onto the freeway in front of us. The whole way through the snow and wind, the last 25 miles to the airport, that car stayed right in front of us. We had tail lights to guide us through, to alert us to bad patches of road, to allow us to see the changes in the terrain, and to blow the drifting snow off of the freeway in front of us. When that car left with just a few miles to the airport, another one pulled in front of us to take its place. The road was really bad. At one point my husband, who does not worry, leaned over and said, "Now would be the time to start nagging." But we were guided through that whole stretch of dangerous road.

And about five miles into those treacherous conditions, my prayers turned from a nagging, "please keep us safe, please keep us safe, please keep us safe" to a simple "I trust in your care, Father, for my family." And with that change, I felt a change in me. My tension melted away. That's the difference between a prayer in your heart and nagging. Heavenly Father doesn't want us to die in a car crash any more than I do, so me bugging him about it isn't going to change things. Me going to Him for comfort in a time of stress, and allowing myself to remember the constant care I have always received from Him, and putting myself back in that care is the essence of a prayer in my heart. We had done the things we knew to do to prepare us for the situation we were in. Now we could honestly trust in Heavenly Father to let us know if there was something else we needed to do to keep ourselves safe.

Now if I can just remember that the next time I have to drive through a snowstorm.

Back from radio silence

We're back from Christmas with my family in California. We barely made it to the airport in time. We ended up having to dig our car out of the snow at 4:30 in the morning to leave, and then had to deal with wind and snow on the way to the airport. We made it through security just in time to hear the boarding call for our flight as we were putting our shoes back on. Other than that, it was an easy trip.

It was great to see almost all of the family. My brother's family wasn't there because she is 35 weeks pregnant with twins, and not allowed to travel. Other than that, and one of my nieces, we were all there. It was loud and crazy and wonderful. Cooper toddled all over, and Grandpa loved walking down the hall with Cooper holding on to one finger. It was great getting to hear my Dad sing the same songs to Cooper that he used to sing to me.

We've also started planning my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary for two years from now. My brothers don't seem too keen on the idea of telling the story of their life together through interpretive dance. I told them I would spring for the coordinating unitards, but still no dice. Dan said he would do it if he could dance as Sprockets, but I'm not exactly sure what part of my parents life together that would be depicting.

Lots of stories from the last week to catch up on, and some photos to post, but that's enough for now.

Grading

It's a quarter to midnight. I just finished grading and entering grades. As far as I can tell, maybe three of my students actually used the study guide I made for the final exam.

Pbbbbbbbbbt.

Grading bad exams makes me want to drink. Heavily.

New favoritest Christmas memory

We finally put up the Christmas tree tonight. We have a fake tree, and it's pre-lit with 1000 lights, so after we wrestled it into place and got all the cords plugged into each other, we turned it on. Cooper looked up at this eight foot tall fir covered in little white lights, said "Wow!" and started to applaud.

A few minutes later, he found the button that turns all the lights on and off. After clicking the button on and off enough times to trigger a migraine in a normal person, he clicked them off. And from the dark, I heard a tiny, whispered, "wow."

Yep, Christmas with you, Cooper, is definitely wow.

Life with a toddler

I think I can officially say that I am now living with a toddler. Our physical therapist warned us that we were going to spend an awful lot of energy to get Cooper to walk, and at least once a week we would wonder why in the world we ever wanted the kid to be mobile. It's amazing the things he can get into now.

His favorite place: on top of the kitchen table.

He's also figured out that he can scoot chairs and get to the knobs on the stove, the crock of cooking utensils on the kitchen counter, and the answering machine on the phone.

Also, he will let me know when I am done watching TV. He just walks over and turns it off.

He walks. And walks. From room to room. From place to place. Back and forth. And when he's done walking, he drops down on his bottom and says, "Boom."

Cooper walks.

And all the mess, and rearranging, and kidproofing is totally worth it to be working at the computer and to see my baby walk into the office and say, "Hi!"

Jobs

Job application is in. Now the waiting starts.

I kind of want to throw up.

Blessings

The banana bread lesson has stuck around this week. There are lots of things for which to be grateful.

• Really good banana bread.
  
• Wednesday morning I got in the car to go to school and GeekBoy had left fresh flowers in the passenger seat. They are in a vase on the kitchen table and I smile every time I see them.
  
• Cooper got to a stand in the middle of the living room floor with no support for the first time last night.
  
• I made a breakthrough on my dissertation which means (I think) that I have more done than I thought I did. I have to go back and look at it again today, but if I'm correct, then I have about half of it in draft form now. I can see actually finishing this thing.
• Grandma is recuperating from her surgery. She's a feisty lady. It looks like she is going to pull through.
• My Christmas shopping is done. I'm really glad I got it done before the paycut kicked in, but even if there hadn't been a paycut, I'd still be glad it's done.

Little blessings, big blessings, but all blessings in my life.

The lesson of the banana bread

I've been feeling sorry for myself the last little bit. It has felt like our little family has just been having a hard time. GeekBoy (my affectionate blog nickname for my husband) works in the mortgage industry, and his company has gone through round after round of layoffs in the last year or two. A few weeks ago they went through another round, and he kept his job. His department is now down to two people, including him. Last week, they announced a "temporary" 20% pay decrease across the board for all employees. It's supposed to just be for December, but we'll see. We found out about this the day before Thanksgiving.

There was the whole poison control incident, and then yesterday Cooper woke up covered in vomit, and when I put him in the tub to get the barf out of his hair he pooed in the tub, and when I got him out of the tub to put him in clean jammies he peed all over the carpet. And then I went to teach and the copier jammed so I was late to class, and it just felt like one little thing after another. And then I got home and my mom called and said Grandma had fallen and broken her leg in multiple places. The bones were coming up through the skin. She was heading into surgery, but with her poor health, they were calling to prepare us just in case she didn't make it through surgery or the post-op recovery.

Combined with all these minor inconveniences and major traumas was the seeming disparity of good things happening for all those around us. New loves, new babies, heck, even a new dress. It seemed that the old phrase about poop rolling downhill was true, and I was at the bottom of the hill, covered (sometimes literally) in poop.

Then this morning I made banana bread. One of the concepts I'm writing about right now in my dissertation is radical inequality, and as I was turning those old bananas into bread, I realized that I am making bread because I have too much food. The bananas weren't inedible in the form they were in. They were just past the point that I prefer to eat them. To many people they would have been perfect. To a great many people in the world, they would have been lifesaving nutrition. And I was turning them into banana bread because I have the option about being picky about what I eat, and of buying enough food at the grocery store that the bananas can sit out long enough to go past optimal ripeness.

I then had to decide what kind of chocolate chips to put in the bread. I had thought about adding pecans, because I had extra pecans from Thanksgiving, but I wanted Cooper to be able to eat the bread, so I went for chocolate instead. I have multiple types of chocolate chips in the house because 1)I love to bake, and 2) that's what the women in my family do. I know some people put wheat in their food storage, but I have a feeling that if it ever comes to the point where people are living off of their food storage, I can trade six ounces of good chocolate for a few pounds of wheat to any woman in a 25 mile radius.

So, my warm house with plenty of food and a darling child smells of cinnamon and nutmeg as chocolate chip banana bread bakes in the oven. Cooper is starting to spend as much time toddling around the house as crawling. My husband is at his job. I'm going to go write some more on my dissertation with a new perspective on radical inequality. And then, I'm going to go eat some banana bread, and kiss my baby, and thank my Heavenly Father for all the blessing He pours out upon me daily, that I do not take the time to see.

Sometimes, the most important lessons in life are taught by a mushy banana.

Why dinner was late

Dinner was delayed tonight because my cooking preparations were interrupted by a call to Poison Control. Cooper wrote all over the ottoman in the living room and while I was cleaning off the ink he grabbed the bottle of oxyclean and gave himself a mouthful before I realized what he was doing.

And then I had to mop the kitchen floor because the first sippy cup I saw had juice in it and that ended up on the floor as I was trying to empty that to give him water and call his doctor at the same time.

At least I make roast chicken for dinner so it was a good end to a crappy afternoon. And now, chocolate and bubble bath.

Jobs

I am applying for a job. A teaching job. At a university near here. It's a one year appointment, but would be the perfect transition that I need and give me a deadline for having my dissertation done (I have come to the unmistakable conclusion that I need externally imposed deadlines), and then give me another university to teach at for a year while I go on the market nationally.

And I'm totally freaking out about it.

Monday Musings

In no particular order:

• I know I am not supposed to like Coldplay, but I do. I am supposed to like Ani Difranco, but I don't.
• Last Wednesday I started craving swedish meatballs. I don't know why. I can't remember ever having eaten them in my life. But my Everyday Food magazine showed up last Thursday with a recipe for them, so I made them last night and they were everything I wanted them to be. I am having the leftovers for lunch today.
• Cooper walked all the way across the living room yesterday. He's been doing about four or five steps and then he'll stop and drop to his knees, and he just walked all the way yesterday. It was 18 steps. Not that I counted or anything.
  
• It is a sad year to be a Denver Broncos fan.
• Grocery shopping for Thanksgiving should be an olympic sport.
  

Where do they learn these things? Part Two

We have a climber.

Congressional Testimony

I was watching Fed Chair Ben Bernanke testify to Congress this morning, and I have to say, looking at the faces of our representatives, that it seemed like they were thinking, "You know, I've heard all these words separately before, and I know what they all mean, but when he puts them in that particular order, I have no idea what he's talking about."

Where do they learn these things?

Cooper has a jack-in-the-box. It's one of his favorite toys. He loves to turn the handle and make the gnome pop up, though quite frequently he flips the little level to allow the gnome to appear and then cranks the handle later to play the music. Patience apparently is not his strong suit.

Today, however, he was enjoying a little snack of grapes and cheese at his play table. He looked at his jack-in-the-box, put several grapes and cheese cubes on top and then cranked the handle as fast as he could. When he got to the pop part, food went flying. I know I shouldn't have laughed, but I laughed so hard I had tears running down my cheeks.

These are the moments that make it all worth it.

My day at church

Cooper's quickly adjusting to nursery at church. He didn't cry today when I dropped him off, and talking to the nursery leaders afterward, he played happily the whole time he was there. He has started learning the songs they sing in their music time and happily sings along. It's fun because he has started singing them at home, and I'll hear him just start singing songs I remember when he's playing.

Geekboy broke Jesus. Or at least, the glass over a picture of Jesus in the Primary room. Sharing time got a little crazy today, and the picture got knocked off of its easel. GeekBoy told the Primary President he felt bad for breaking Jesus, and she said, "You didn't break Jesus, just his protective covering." Ha!

And I know what to do when one of my students starts spouting off with wrong information in class at school. But when they do it at church, prefaced with, "My mom told me..." how do you politely deal with that?

Proof of a tribal memory

Cooper got into a box of cookies today, took a bite out of each one, and then sat on them. This is behavior eerily similar to behavior demonstrated by his uncles when I was growing up. I remember slices of pizza being licked on more than one occasion, though if Mom was around, you just licked your finger and then stuck your finger on the pizza. Oddly enough, it never worked when I did it.

It was mostly funny. It would have been all funny if it hadn't been the box of Girl Scout cookies I had been saving since March.

Grading

I was grading papers and had to go to the bathroom. When I got back, I discovered, to my horror, that Cooper had decided to help me with my grading. He had completely scribbled all over two of the papers. When I handed back the paper to one of the students in class today I apologized profusely and explained what had happened. He laughed so hard and said he was going to frame it. I told him I had considered retyping the paper so I wouldn't have to hand that back to him, but he's just going to show it to people and tell them what a hard grader I am. "Look what she did to my paper!"

I surprised myself with how much I care

I watched video of Barack Obama voting this morning. And I teared up.

I started to cry because I realized how much I wanted this man to be president. I don't think I could deal with four more years of hate and divisiveness and meanness and stupidity. I'm not naive enough to think that Obama is the second coming of Christ. Or even Superman. But I believe he is going to be so much better for this country than McCain and Palin will be.

So this evening, I took Cooper with me into the voting booth, and I held his hand and we voted for Obama together. I wanted him to get to vote for a better future too.

And then, 41 minutes ago when they declared Obama president-elect, I started to cry.

The last eight years are almost over. I can hardly wait.

It's election day

Go vote.

Now.

Seriously, go do it.

Also, did you watch Saturday Night Live's Presidential Bash last night? Sarah Palin's appearance was scary. I think she was trying to be funny, but it wasn't. Barbie went away and we got the Barracuda.

And, I just finished making the election night bingo cards for our results watching party tonight. Yes, I'm that kind of a geek.

In defense of undecided voters

October 30, 2008, at 11:23 pm, I decided who I was voting for.

That's right. Less than a week before the election and I finally decided who I was going to vote for. This is not new for me. In 2004 I didn't decide until I was actually in the voting booth.

I get really tired hearing pundits mock undecided voters.
"Who are these people?"
"Have they been living under a rock?"
"What could they be possibly be expecting to hear?"

Undecided voters aren't stupid, or uninformed; at least not the ones I talk to. We're frustrated.

We're frustrated with a political system that things that the two party system represents all the political ideologies in this country. Ideology has two component. It about what you think the government should do about moral issues, and what you think the government should do about economic issues. But those two components can combine to create four distinct ideological agendas. That means a lot of people in this country don't fall nicely into the political space mapped out by the two dominant parties.

And so, they listen, trying to decide if economic issues are going to be more important or moral issues are going to win this election. Does abortion or guns or their job at the local factory or health care or any of a number of issues have to be the issue they vote on because they can't vote on the issues, because to vote on the issues, there would have to be different, or more, or other candidates than are out there right now.

There are third party candidates.

I've voted for third party candidates.

I voted for Nader in 1996. And 2000.

I did not cost the election for Al Gore. First, because I lived in Idaho when I voted in 2000, but more importantly, because my vote did not belong to him in the first place. The two major parties try to convince people that a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote, but as long as people are not voting for anyone else, there is no impetus for change. Al Gore should have won in 2000. He ran a terrible campaign. He lost that election on his own merits, and can't blame anyone for it. Well, maybe the Supreme Court. But he can't blame Nader. And he can't blame the people who voted for him either.

Voting is a precious liberty. I'm so impressed with the stories of people spending 4, 6, 12 hours in line to vote. It's horrific that they have to stand in line that long, but I am awed that they do. My vote does not belong to the Democratic Party. It does not belong to the Republican Party. I do not completely agree with either candidate. I have taken my time deciding for whom I will vote. My indecision is a sign of my commitment to the process, not my ignorance or flightiness.

So here's to you, undecided voters. I hope you can find what you are looking for in the next few hours. Or, if you can't, that you can at least find peace with your choice. Even if you don't make it until you're standing in a polling booth, looking at the ballot, and following your heart.

My piece of Real America

I don't shop at Walmart, but I do shop at Target.
I went to my brother's wedding to his partner last month. They've been together almost as long as me and Geekboy have been together. They love each other. I cried at their wedding.
I live in a red state.
Another brother just got transferred to a different military base. We're hoping that he'll be there for the rest of his hitch. He's served two tours in Iraq already. He's got twin girls on the way. I'd like him to be there for their birth.
I fired a gun before I learned how to drive. My dad belongs to the NRA. We were taught to respect firearms. Cooper won't have toy guys because guns aren't toys. He'll get his first gun, from his grandfather, when he's 12.
He already has his "reduce, reuse, recycle" sippy cup.
I know that you pay someone when you receive a knife as a gift.
My mom bakes her own bread, grows her own tomatoes, and wore birkenstocks before they were cool.
My parents live in a blue state.
I love the Constitution. If I was to name a daughter Madison, it would be after James, not after Splash.
I've eaten moose that was killed by a family member.
I've seen Rent, Les Mis and Phantom of the Opera multiple times. I'm asking for tickets to Wicked for my Birthday.
The first gulf war started on my 15th birthday. I remember because my oldest brother was on the front lines. We turned off the news long enough for me to open presents and then the news stayed on for the next three months straight.
That's when I remember my mom turning grey.
My sister and her husband have adopted four kids, two out of the foster care system. They live in a blue state.
My brother is raising his son after a nasty divorce. He lives in a red state.
My gay brother is a Republican.
So is his partner.
My sister chose to keep her baby and raise her daughter herself, and has turned out a beautiful talented wonderful teenager. They live in a blue state.
I believe in God. I go to church every week. I pray. I stand up when the flag goes by in a parade. I know there is more than one verse to the national anthem. I celebrate the Marine Corps birthday.
I give to charities for Christmas and birthday presents for family members, because there are so many more people in the world who need, where we only want.
That's my piece of America. It's a good piece. It looks like the America that my neighbors and friends know and live in more than the "real America" that gets used as a rhetorical weapon on the campaign trail.
I don't know the America where we hate each other. I don't know the America where we are scared of each other. That's never been my piece of America. I hope it never is.

Little steps

Cooper took his first steps on Sunday. I went to pick him up from the nursery at church on Sunday, and when I walked in the door, he let go of the table he was standing at and took four toddling little steps over to me.

We're going to beat this delay, one toddling little step at a time.

Costume

He's going to be a pterodactyl. Pictures will be forthcoming.

It just occurred to me

We spent yesterday traveling to a large children's hospital to have a consultation with a pediatric surgeon about Cooper's diastasis. The surgeon doesn't think it needs to be surgically corrected, and does not believe it is contributing to his developmental delay, contrary to the opinion of the physical therapist. He says that this condition usually corrects itself by the time they are five, and his really is not that bad. So, yay for them not chopping open my baby, but I am now confused about what my therapist is thinking, and whether or not he knows what he is talking about. That will probably be another post.

Because it just occurred to me that I hadn't been making any plans for Halloween because I didn't want to be disappointed if we were in the hospital for Halloween, and now I need to figure out a costume in nine days.

Dream Town

I have a place I visit in my dreams. I always get there by train. It's just a few hours from where I am living, so I can go for a day trip. The sun is always shining. It's a small town, with victorian era buildings and cobblestone streets that meander around, too small for any vehicles so everyone is on foot. The people are friendly. There is always delicious food, and some new used bookstore to explore, and interesting things to be seen.

I went there last night in my dreams. I don't get to visit often, but when I do, it feels like the perfect vacation.

Cooper has a doctor's appointment Thursday with a new pediatrician. We'll see how this appointment goes before I commit to an ongoing relationship with this doctor. The referrals I got spoke highly of him, so that is reassuring. Next week we will be going to the large children's hospital in the next state for a consult about his diastasis with a pediatric surgeon. And then there's this dissertation thingie that I should be working on in between doctor's appointments and physical therapy sessions.

Hmmm, I wonder if I can book a return vacation.

The politics of address labels

I got a letter from the IRS on Friday telling me I owe them a lot of money. I do not owe them this money, but I now have to prove to them I do not owe them a lot of money. As I was addressing the envelope to mail in the forms today, I reached into my drawer of address labels. I do not buy return address labels. I donated to one charity group and now I will have address labels for life. You can tell how much I like you by which charity's label ends up on my correspondence with you. Bills get ugly address labels. Causes I believe in go on letters to loved ones.

My problem arose with labeling the envelope for the IRS. Because I donated to an environmental group, most of my labels support nature and birds and trees, and other "hippie" causes like that. I did not want to antagonize the faceless hardhearted IRS bureaucrat* who would open my letter pleading for clemency, so I searched and searched for the appropriate tone to strike on my letter. And then I found it. Oh Audobon Society, thank you for putting the majestic bald eagle on one of your address labels. See, I'm a proud American! My envelope proclaims it.

Or maybe I should just lay off the cold meds.

*I teach the bureaucracy in my 101 class, and know this is not true. But written here for dramatic effect. And because I am on cold meds.

The Debate

I'm not a huge Sarah Palin fan. While I think she's an intelligent woman, I think she is, at this moment in her life, vastly underqualified for the position she seeks. Whether or not she ever would be qualified is a discussion lots of people are having all over the place. So I watched the debates last night while doing other things, because to give it my full attention would cause me too much pain. And yes, I must say, she exceeded the expectations of many, though those expectations had been set so low in the previous days that just by not wetting herself or accidentally setting the stage on fire I think she would have managed to accomplish that.

She was the pre-Couric interview Palin, who I still had plenty of problems with. But as many problems as I had with the talking points style of her debating, not answering the questions, winking at the camera, and thinking that just because she says it makes it true (and I just loved Biden nailing her on the maverick claim at the end, which was perfectly done in time and tone), can someone besides Chris Matthews please follow up on this:

"I'm thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate."

I'm assuming that she hasn't actually read the Constitution, so let me tell you what the Constitution says about the Vice President.

Article 1, Section 3. The Vice President of 
the United States shall be President of the Senate, but
shall have no Vote, unless they be equally divided.

The Senate shall choose their other Officers, and also
a President pro tempore, in the absence of the Vice 
President, or when he shall exercise the Office of
President of the United States.

That's the section about the vice presidential role with the Senate. Article 2 of the Constitution discusses how the Vice President is elected (which is changed by Amendment 12, to prevent another Aaron Burr fiasco), acting as president in case of removal or death of the President and impeachment.

And then there is Amendment 20, which formalizes the line of succession, and actually makes the Vice President become President because if you actually read the Constitution, Article 2 doesn't say the Vice President becomes President upon death or removal of the President, just that he or she acts as such, so this codifies previous practice.

Now, I'm not sure where you are getting your Constitution support there for an enlarged role in the Senate. You sure aren't getting it from Farrand's transcription of Madison's notes. If you read those (Friday, September 7, 1787), you'll see that the Framers gave the job of Senate president to the Vice President so he would have something to do, and so a Senator wouldn't have to act as president and not be able to vote and represent their own state, not to enforce the president's legislative agenda on the Senate. They explicitly stated it was not to give the vice-president a legislative function. To argue that there is a robust legislative role for the Vice President's office is to ignore the entire concept of checks and balances upon which our Constitution was founded. This is the Cheney Doctrine we're hearing. It's dangerous. It's wrong. It's fundamentally against the principles upon which our country was based. Dare I say it's un-American? And just because you wink at me when you say it, doesn't make it okay.

Drive by parenting

I took Cooper to story time at the library this morning. After the stories, he was crawling around in the bean bag area and one of the other moms looked at him and said, "You need to learn to walk." I'm not sure how to respond to comments like that yet. I'm still new to this land of having a child who is officially delayed.

That's right, Cooper has a delay. He has a gross motor skills delay. He's almost 18 months old and can't walk or stand independently. I've spent the last month in and out of medical offices and hospitals of one flavor or another getting various assessments and procedures done, and at this point am looking forward to weekly physical therapy appointments for the foreseeable future, a major surgery, wanting to sue my pediatrician for malpractice, finding a new pediatrician, and trying to cope with my baby going under general anesthesia again, this time for major abdominal surgery. That minor problem he was born with that his pediatrician seemed so unconcerned about for so long has contributed to a major gross motor delay, and left Ben lagging further and further behind where he should be, and now I have mothers at story time looking at my baby judgmentally and telling him he needs to learn to walk.

I don't know why this is okay. I'm not sure why when it comes to parenting it's okay to comment on someone else's abilities. I wouldn't walk by someone's desk at work and say "You need to learn how to type faster." I wouldn't tell the check-out boy at a grocery store, "You need to learn how to bag groceries better." Why would you tell a child that they aren't performing adequately? I know he needs to learn to walk, but giving me, or even worse, my baby, the stink eye, is not going to help the matter. So, mothers of all you perfect children out there, why don't you do the rest of us all a favor, and just shut up? Trust me, we're doing the best we can. The daily climb up life's mountain is hard enough as it is without you dumping bricks of hate in the diaper bag. Thanks. Love and kisses.

What I Would Have Done This Morning if Employed by a Democratic Ad Agency

1. Turned on the news and said, "He nominated who?!?!"
2. Freaked out. A lot.
3. Read Palin's bio a bit more.
4. Calmed down.
5. Got to work creating a commercial depicting Palin as a cross between Dick Cheney and Dan Quayle. Married to Larry the Cable Guy. End it with a more creative tag line than "Is this really who you want an old guy's heartbeat away from the White House?" (This is why I do not work for an ad agency)
6. Gone out for drinks on an expense account.

Things I thought while watching the Olympics

1. We're getting rid of baseball and softball, but BMX is getting an Olympic berth? Seriously?
   
2. Maybe people in the US would take water polo more seriously if the headgear didn't tie under your chin in a cute little bow.
3. There is no way she is 16!
4. I could so totally do that.

And then I fell off the couch laughing and hurt myself.

Ways I have hurt myself in the last two days

1. Smashing my finger in a door.
2. Getting huge blisters on both my pinky toes from uncomfortable shoes.
3. Falling down the stairs carrying a load of laundry.

I'm almost scared to get out of bed today.

Weekends

Remember when weekends were fun and relaxing? I can't remember the last time I had a weekend that wasn't full of commitments and chores.

Last weekend:

1. Three family dinners to cook for.
2. Parade
3. Fireworks display
4. Coming home from fireworks display to find block roped off with crime scene tape because neighbor had pipe bomb.

This weekend should be a little more relaxing, since we're just moving my husband's parents stuff out of their house since they are moving across the country.

What does it say about my life that national holidays are stress generating events, rather than relaxing ones? And when do I get some time off?

My day

1. Wii Sports tells me I can throw a 93mph fastball.
2. The idea of me throwing anything 93mph makes me laugh and laugh.
3. I'm going on a date tonight. Few things are better than free babysitting.
   
4. My free babysitters are moving to the other side of the country next week.
5. Did I mention I'm going on a date tonight? Wooo!
6. Cooper is learning to use a spoon. This involves him scooping food up with the spoon and then picking it out of the bowl of the spoon with his other hand. Oh well, at least the scooping is progress, right?
   
7. I really don't know how I feel about this.
   

Other things Cooper has learned how to do

1. Change the settings of our television to display in French.
2. Program the clock on our television. (Geekboy's reaction: "There's a clock on the television?")
3. Beep the horn on his truck.
4. A lot.
5. Push the pillow off of the couch onto the floor so he can slide off headfirst onto the pillow and not hurt himself.
   

I've had a miserable head cold the last few days, so it's nice to know that he can entertain himself so well.

Things Cooper has learned how to do

1. Turn the TV off.
2. And on.
3. And off and on.
4. And off and on and off and on and off and on and off.
5. And on and off and on.
6. And off.

Watching Wimbledon like this was interesting. I only got to see one person playing. It was like watching them hit balls against a wall.

Things I have done today which endangered my own life

1. Bathed the cat

I think one item on this list is sufficient.

Shopping list of a dissertating momma

1. Kid-safe sunscreen
2. Swim diapers
3. Wading pool
4. Can of sliced olives
5. Four reams of paper

Welcome to my life. Oh, the olives are for pasta salad, because it's too hot to cook here.